an After abortion

REAL, CONFIDENTIAL, FREE, NON-JUDGMENTAL HELP TO AVOID ABORTION, FROM MANY PLACES:
3,400 confidential and totally free groups to call and go to in the U.S...1,400 outside the U.S. . . . 98 of these in Canada.
Free, financial help given to women and families in need.More help given to women, families.
Helping with mortgage payments and more.More help.
The $1,950 need has been met!CPCs help women with groceries, clothing, cribs, "safe haven" places.
Help for those whose babies haveDown Syndrome and Other Birth Defects.
CALL 1-888-510-BABY or click on the picture on the left, if you gave birth or are about to and can't care for your baby, to give your baby to a worker at a nearby hospital (some states also include police stations or fire stations), NO QUESTIONS ASKED. YOU WON'T GET IN ANY TROUBLE or even have to tell your name; Safehaven people will help the baby be adopted and cared for.

Thursday, April 24, 2003



Conversation about feticide from Matthew Yglesias and many commentators. (Since his backtrack feature isn't working, you'll have to scroll down to the feticide post.

I contributed a note toward the end.

One of the commentators focuses in detail on the idea that a woman should never be forced to carry an unwanted baby.

It reminds me of some of the factors that go into deciding that a particular pregnancy is unwanted.

Far more often than many men are aware, the woman's calculations about her state of readiness to carry a child are based on not very flattering, although perhaps semi-conscious, evaluations about the father of the child. "I'm not so sure he'd be a good dad", "He's ineffective, unreliable and incompetent", "He just doesn't have what it takes to get me and the baby through this." "He's immature and not ready to be a good provider."

It's a version of the Darwin Awards.

These beliefs are rarely spoken out loud but they do come through in some sense to the father of the child. The rest of his life, whether he experiences regret or grief, he lives with the knowledge that one or more of his children weren't born partly because of an evaluation by the mother of the child (and sometimes also her parents and friends) wherein he was judged as inadequate.

Men who are the fathers in cases of unexpected pregnancies and who react by saying some version of "How you handle this pregnancy is completely up to you" or "Whatever you decide I will support you" intend to come across as supportive. Unfortunately, however, such men are often experienced by the woman as abandoning, passive and weak. In her mind, this increases the likelihood that the man doesn't have what it takes to be a good dad.

It can be psychologically difficult for a man to live with the knowledge that he has been found lacking in a matter of life or death pertaining to his own children.

Here's a link to a book about male emotional reactions to abortion, Men and Abortion, which appears to include recommended steps for acheiving resolution.







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