an After abortion

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Monday, December 27, 2004

In my internal conflict with religion and sexuality, a blogger grapples with the fallout of an abortion when she was seventeen. This is as ongoing blog (I'm adding it to my permalinks), but this whole entry should be read. Here's what she says about the immediate aftermath of the procedure:

As a teenager, the pain of the aftermath was too much for me to bear. Noone had told me that I would feel so much emotional pain afterwards. I was told that abortion would save me the public humiliation of being a pregnant teenager. I would get to finish school without interruption. I would be able to go on with my life and attend college. I was going to have a life that was still filled with hope and opportunities. But, I became very depressed after the abortion. I cried myself to sleep nightly and felt as if my soul had died. I felt enormous guilt and shame. I contemplated suicide constantly. For about a year and a half following the abortion, I did not seriously date anyone and I was sexually celibate. I tried to pour myself into my academic work and extracurricular activities. I was trying so hard, too hard, to be a "good" girl.

When I graduated high school, and left for college, I fell into a pattern of self-destructive behavior. I was unable to concentrate on my studies. I drank alcohol abusively. I had destructive, promiscuous relationships. I finally reached a point where I was forced to get psychological counseling. But, it seemed the abortion was still a "taboo" subject. I was "depressed", I was "anxious", I had a "drinking problem", I had "low self-esteem". But very little relationship was made between these problems and the abortion.

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