"At the gate she turned and looked across to Ben's grave. The air was iron cold and still. She would never, never, never be able to accept his death, and she didn't try. This wasn't an illness she would recover from; it was an amputation she had to learn to live with. There was a great and surprising peace in acknowledging this."
--Pat Barker, Double Vision
I found this on Eve Tushnet's blog.
When I had my abortion, I was looking for a quick fix. When I entered into a program for recovery after abortion, I was also, on some level, looking for a quick fix. (In a sense...in another sense, I was simply looking for any relief at all from pain that was becoming impossible to live with.) I did experience enormous relief from my immediate psychological distress, and many parts of my soul healed in ways I will never understand, through attending Rachel's Vineyard.
Over the years, I've come to appreciate that there are no quick fixes--there's no quick fix for an unwanted pregnancy--and there's no quick fix for the emotional devastation I experienced in the wake of abortion. Not only is there no quick fix, in the sense of the quote above, there's no fix. And just this week, before I found this quote on Eve's site, I started to feel the permanence of the loss in a new way. And, also, a surprising peace.
"Jesus did not come to take away your pain. He came to live with you in it."--Paul Claudel