an After abortion

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Wednesday, November 9, 2005

Selling abortions. This excerpt talks about boyfriends who desert their girlfriend right after an abortion. The suggestion is made that such boyfriends knowingly manipulate the situation, promising their pregnant girlfriend that if she just goes through with this abortion, their love will have the space and time to flourish and grow stable, so that they can plan a marriage and a family and lots of babies someday.

The scenarios described in the excerpt do happen. One similar story I'm personally familiar with is a married boyfriend (in other words, he was married to someone else and having an affair with the woman who got pregnant, who was having an abortion). His promise was that if she had the abortion, he'd have time to tell his wife about the affair, leave the wife, and get things organized to eventually marry the girlfriend.

Instead, what the married boyfriend did, when the abortion was occurring, was leave the abortion clinic, drive to his house, and pick up his wife, returning to the clinic. When the now-aborted girlfriend came out the car after the abortion, the wife was sitting in it. They drove her to her ugly little student apartment, gave her a gift basket of gourmet foods, and explained that the affair was over and she was not to contact the husband again. That was hard, since up until that point, besides sleeping with him, she also worked for him.

On the other hand, I don't think most boyfriends are intentionally manipulating the pregnant woman. Instead, their own unexpected feelings of shame, grief and humiliation after the abortion -- which are triggered every time they see their girlfriend -- are so strong and painful that the easiest thing to do is just to stop seeing her.

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