Abortion

Zhen Zhang


Lights keep flooding down from the sky above
Slowly you take your form, a thing of beauty, on the other side
obsequious like a little chick
My little chick
You narrowly escape a fatal disaster
An umbilical cord that is to be cut
brings me sadness now

In the realm of a predetermined relationship
mother and son
you and me
I've already sharpened my knife
Blood shoots up like fireworks in glorious features
onto the ceiling
Upside down are a pair of skinny legs

That was my love
You should have been golden and glorious
like an ancient urn
Well, it's actually hard to say,
you might have been a stretch of darkness
that would swallow my window
Thanks to heaven
I'm getting drunk for our final understanding

That was also my hate
I looked into my uterus for a long time
looking at your unwarranted being
I climbed those high mountains
in a heel-and-toe race against you
At the end only I was saved

Now if I want to call your spirit back
what language should I use?
You hang on my knees listening.
But I have no fables for you
Your mother only has many secrets.
And you are one of them

Now leading the funeral band
In full bright red
I hold up a bouquet of poppies like a torch
Your brothers and sisters will be informed
that you are the oldest son, preceding everyone
Also you are the most beautiful
and I am always proud of you

Everything is normal at home
Pacing between the window curtains
I miss the you whom I never meet
Candleflame permeates a special smell that is you
You never belong to me from the very beginning
But whenever I dress up to go out
I see you and me in the same mirror
3/24/86


Translated from Chinese by Newton X. Liu.